my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
