either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
