I feel like abortions should bother me more
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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