I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
