remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
