Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
