The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
