so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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