Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
