I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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