I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
