; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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