what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
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