i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
