Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
