omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
