Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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