I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize