I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
