I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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