So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
