Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
