was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
