I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
