Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
