It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
