We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
