You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
