My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
