I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I am available for nakedness
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
