So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
