it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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