Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
