peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Is it because I queefed?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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