It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
