no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
