remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Small penises have feelings too.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
