I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
