i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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