I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
