I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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