The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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