I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
