Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize