see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just invented taco cereal.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
