Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
