When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
