I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
