omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
