listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
