Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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