i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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