you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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