Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Ladies don't puke and tell
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
