He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
