Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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