woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize