i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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