susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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