she was so not down for the gang bang
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
