things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
