so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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