you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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