One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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