Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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