There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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