god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
