Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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