I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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