Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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