i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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