He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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