I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
you never un-have a 4some
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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