Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
im holly from the hills drunk
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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