first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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