I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
