eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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