i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
