Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
